Last month we talked about people handling difficult moments well, and here are 10 of my favorite stories you shared.
1. The long-winded questioner
Back when Doctor Who rebooted, I was at a science fiction convention that had a fan panel on it, with me as one of several panelists. The convention didn’t anticipate the enthusiasm for the topic and put us in a small room that quickly became standing room only. I was not assigned to be the moderator, but when the moderator didn’t show up, I volunteered to take the role, which essentially turned me into a traffic cop for calling on audience members. The first thing I did was tell the packed room that I wouldn’t be calling on anyone a second time until everyone had had a chance to be heard. I also told everyone that they needed to keep their questions brief and to the point.
I recognized someone in the front row who was notorious for asking question after question and turning them all into long-winded rambles, so I made sure to call on him first, cut him off once it sounded like he’d gotten to the actual question, then spent the rest of the panel telling him, “You already were called on” every time he tried to interject.
Many people thanked me once it was over.
2. The reproach
I used to work at a small-ish creative agency, where our owner/CEO was quite involved in the day-to-day operations. One of our clients was a pretty rude guy, talking very condescendingly to most of the project team – especially the more junior members. A few minutes into a meeting in our office with about 10 team members, he was in a particularly dick-ish mood.
Our CEO asked him to step outside the meeting room with him for a moment. Of course, we all eavesdropped and heard most of the conversation. Our CEO said something to the effect of: “I’m sensing a lack of respect here. We want to continue working with you, but if you want the best out of this team you’re going to have to treat them more as partners with shared goals. Can we do that, or would you prefer to end our engagement?”
The client apologized to the room, and we had a much better working relationship going forward. It taught me a valuable lesson that just because a relationship is weighted in one direction, it’s OK to stand up for yourself and your team.
3. The shaming
At a concert, two people in the row in front of me got in a dispute and it was escalating. They were standing and shouting in each other’s faces when an usher, who couldn’t have been more than 20 years old, stepped in and told them to knock it off.
“Really? You’re going to get into a fight at a Maroon 5 concert? Really??” He shamed them into submission.
4. The contract renegotiation
I worked in IT supporting a Fortune 500 company with a real-time web application accessed by 20,000 people. We had a series of unfortunate outages over the course of a month. To complicate matters, our lead system admin was dealing with his wife’s terminal illness, so every outage took us longer than normal for the rest of the team to resolve.
During a client meeting, a VP was raking us over the coals, just berating us non-stop. He eventually said, “Every hour you are down costs us a million dollars.” To which our leader responded, “Then we aren’t charging you nearly enough, and our pricing will reflect that in our upcoming renewal.” That ended the conversation. And yes, they renewed with a price increase.
5. The trick
Many years ago, I was a supervisor at a coffee shop. I had one bad employee, “Jeff,” who would disappear off the floor, mess up tasks so he wouldn’t have to do them (he wasn’t allowed to make coffee. At a coffee shop.), and frequently brag about how little he had done during his shift. And as he bumbled around doing nothing, he got in everyone else’s way, making everything harder for the rest of us. I do not know why he wasn’t fired, but he wasn’t, and we were stuck with him.
One day I told him, “I’m not going to assign you any work today, I don’t care what you do this shift. But you have to look like you’re busy every single time I look at you. You don’t have to be doing anything productive, but if you don’t look busy, I’m gonna make you clean the drains.” (The worst, dirtiest, smelliest maintenance task we had, which everyone avoided like the plague.) Jeff was gleeful at the idea of a full shift of supervisor-approved slacking.
The thing was, Jeff was not clever enough to look busy without actually being busy. He moved slower than a good employee would have, but Jeff was more productive that day than he’d ever been – he prepped coffee beans, he cleaned the cafe, he restocked shelves, he took inventory. All of it grinning from ear-to-ear because in his mind, he wasn’t working, he was just “looking busy.”
I was able to use that trick a few more times, and each time Jeff thought he was getting away with highway robbery. I moved to a different store not long after, but I have always been a bit proud of tricking Jeff into actually doing his job.
6. The junior analyst
Where I work, a lot of program managers have a reputation of being overbearing, inflexible, and generally the sort who expect people to bend over backwards to meet their expectations. There was one program director in particular who was notoriously one of the worst. He would frequently belittle people, raise his voice, pound on the table to accentuate his words, etc. He was definitely on a power trip, considered scary, and most people tried to appease him to his face and then complained about him behind his back.
Enter Alex, a junior pricing analyst who had about two years of experience and had just joined the program. We were in a program status call and Director Scary Chihuahua started laying into Alex. When he was given a moment to respond, Alex took a deep breath and calmly said, “Sir, you cannot speak to me that way, and I will not tolerate this kind of treatment.”
Director Scary Chihuahua immediately changed his tone, apologized, and continued in a respectful manner for the rest of the meeting. It didn’t last of course, and he’s still a scary chihuahua, but Alex is forever my hero and that of many others on the call that day.
7. The redirection
I was on a team call with a client and the client started out by absolutely ripping into the person managing the account, to the point that they were saying stuff about the manager’s personal integrity. It was incredibly unprofessional of the client, to say the least, and awkward for everyone who was expecting a marketing meeting. I would have been livid and the manager probably was, but she just very calmly said, “I hear your feedback, but this isn’t the proper venue, and I suggest we focus on the topic at hand and we discuss this offline.” And the meeting continued.
8. The serious attention
I had to contact a customer service representative at work because something had been promised that hadn’t happened. I don’t remember the specifics, but I do remember it was a Big Deal At Work, and I remember when I got the customer service rep she said, “I am so sorry this happened. You have my complete attention. How can I fix it?” I felt so HEARD! I had such confidence that she would get it resolved! That was 20 years ago, and I still say, “You have my complete attention” when I want someone to know I’m taking them very seriously.
9. The apology
Some years back, a student went off on me over something so minor I honestly can’t even remember what it was. I defused the situation, as one does, and let it go.
The next week, that student came to office hours, apologized sincerely, and said, “I don’t know what got into me, and that’s not the kind of person I want to be.”
We made up then and there. I praised the student for the level of responsibility and maturity they were displaying, and said that if they needed a recommendation for anything ever, they should come to me.
10. The second draft
A friend and classmate from law school was an associate lawyer at Big Law Firm working on a litigation matter for Big Scary Partner. One day, Big Scary Partner threw a copy of a brief my friend had drafted across the room yelling, “This is the worst piece of shit I have ever read!” My friend calmly responded, “Well, it can’t be the WORST piece of shit you ever read because that’s what you said last week about the first draft.”
Big Scary Partner’s demeanor didn’t completely change after that, but he did treat my friend a lot better and they worked together for years.
The post the coffeeshop manipulation, the Maroon 5 shaming, and other people handling difficult moments well appeared first on Ask a Manager.